Olympic Hot Springs at Elwha

{Jan 2011-  Note that this was written in September 1998. I corrected some spelling and moved a few sentences around but otherwise left it as it was when posted on the web back then. I'm a little embarrassed about some of the writing. Also while i have been to Elwha more than 25 times (including 3 times i didn't soak), i haven't been there since 2001.}

How do you publicly write about a favorite "secret" place? This is a major conundrum. Elwha is certainly not unknown, but i'd hate for it to become even more popular than it is.

Olympic Hot Springs is one of my favorite places. I always just call it Elwha, which is the name of the road, the river, and the trail, but not the hot springs. When i first moved to Washington i desperately wanted to go there, and after a few failed attempts, i finally got there and loved it. I started a habit of going every couple of months during the fall, winter and spring. I've probably been there 15 times in the last 4 or 5 years. I hate to talk about bests, but i've been to Wind River hot springs near the Columbia, Scenic hot springs in the Cascades and Sol Duc hot springs nearby in the Olypmics. All are nice, but none can come close to matching the splendor and glory of Elwha.

It's hard to describe this magical place deep in the temperate rain forest. The forest itself is magnificent and the walk in to the springs is wonderful. The Hot Springs are a fantastic soak in natural mineral water right in the trees.

The Elwha road entrance to Olympic National Park is a few miles west of Port Angeles. Often during the off season the ticket booth is not opened. It's about 15 miles up the Elwha road from Highway 101 to the Glins Canyon Dam. At this point the road makes a sharp turn into the forest, and there is a big overlook above the dam. Low snow levels in the winter cause the road to be closed above here sometimes. There is even a gate they can close, although i've never seen it closed. It's a couple miles further to the road end and trailhead; by mid day on weekends there can be a lot of cars parked here.

The hike in is very nice, although some care is required. The trail is an old road -- 30 years ago cars drove all the way to the springs, thankfully that's no longer true. Most of the walk is on pavement, but the pavement is crumbling in places, there are a few trees across the road and in the past couple of years a couple of streams have washed out the road requiring a bit of rock hopping. It's a pretty easy 45 minute walk, gently uphill. This is cougar country so i avoid walking in or out at night. Occasionally, unfortunately, people will ride mountain bikes or 4 wheel motorized ATVs in. It's against park rules and is a problem, but the washouts have helped to stop that.

Olympic Hot Springs was once a Native American retreat.  They used it for thousands of years.  They tell stories of two dragons fighting (Elwha & Sol Duc). When the European settlers came in the early 1900s, they built a road back to the springs, built a big resort and ran the springs through pipes. I have seen photos of it and it was really hanging on the side of the hill, and it looks like an Olympic (no pun intended) sized swimming pool.  People would come for a week for medicinal reasons -- i think that would be very very healthy!  The National Park was created around the resort and it was grandfathered in. 

Over 40 years ago the resort burned and was removed, and the area returned completely to wilderness.  There is almost no evidence of it now, but the pools are still fed by pipes laid when the resort was built. The mud and stone pools are lovingly built and maintained by the locals, folks who live in and around Port Angeles who visit often. Thank them! The pools are clothing optional and pretty much everyone is naked.  For this and other reasons the Park Service spent many years trying to prevent people going there, even destroying the pools. Happily they have now embraced it. I think i've seen swimsuits only once or twice and frankly it seems weird.  (We have observed that it somehow seems MORE sexualized with a swimsuit!).

The flow-through on most, not all, of the pools is adequate to be safe -- the possible health danger is from fecal matter suspended in the pools.  I do try to avoid going if i have an open cut or anything.  There is a danger but it is pretty low, in my opinion.  It is much, much worse in the summer, when there are more people and less water... we usually try to go when it's cold, snowy or rainy anyway.  I think of the 3 dozen times i have been there, only one was between May & October. 

I like to go up to the Hot Springs when it is raining, or best of all when there is snow. I watch the snow level reports and head out if they get low enough. Being in the pools while it is snowing is the greatest thing!!! The springs are at 2,000 feet elevation, the trailhead at about 1,700. Two years ago, we went up intending to walk to the snowy hot springs, it was the end of November 1996 -- we didn't make it. We had to park at the overlook above the dam and it was a lovely walk through the snowy forest. We only got as far as the trailhead -- there was three feet of snow there. We couldn't get further without snowshoes.

The best of all was last March (1998), when it started snowing while we were actually in the pools!

Make sure you bring good walking shoes, a towel, warm clothes for the walk out. I bring something, usually a foam mat, to stand on when i change, it's easy to get very chilled after getting out of the hot springs. And a wool hat is ideal when soaking on cold days. Bring lots of water, and bring a garbage bag to collect your garbage, and any other garbage lying around.

THE POOLS
As of last spring (March 1998) there were 8 pools. I've watched these pools evolve over the last 5 years, some get hotter, others cool down, some bigger, others dwindle. Oh yeah, i made up the pool numbers. As far as i know they don't have any names.

These days the pools are stone and mud. Usually there are stones or logs to sit on, occasionally you sit on the mud bottom. Most all of them have a fast enough flow through to be safe. Most of the pools are a pretty good way from any cold water, so a cold plunge is hard to do.

Pool 8

Pool eight is by far the best pool of them all, but few people recognize this. Almost everyone walks right past it, and the people who do use it do so usually because they don't know there are more pools (ie they haven't been told to go to pool 1). The mineral content is quite high and it is a true spring bubbling up through the sand on the bottom. The water is very hot; it is so hot that you usually can't stay in the water for an extended time. One time in the summer i got 1st degree burns (like a sunburn) just from putting my feet in it! The pool is just above the trail, quite close to the bridge over the river. In just 1996 & 1997 this pool has gotten considerably bigger... (It didn't even exist before 1996!) but from the water temperature, i'd say it could still manage to get even a bit larger. The pool is just above the trail, but it is reasonably out of view of the trail. [Note: early 1999 This pool is now extremely large, and although still very hot, it is probably a bit too large.]
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 3 -- A few fairly shallow places, but mostly deep enough to cover shoulders.
SIZE: 2 -- Comfortable for five people.
FEED: 3 -- Bubbles from below!.
HOT: 3 -- Very [spring 1998].
STAY: -2 -- If you stay for several hours, you have to get up and sit on the rocks out of the water every 15 minutes or so.
ACCESS: 1 -- Close to the trail; but the rocks are very slippery.
PRIVACY: 1 -- The pool is close to the trail and is the first one you pass. It's also the first one everyone else passes!
FOREST: 2 -- Very nice! Good overhanging trees too.
PIPES: 3 -- No pipes, it's a real spring!

Pool 7

Pool seven is the only pool that is below the trail on the hillside down towards the river, it is to the left of the trail down a path. This pool is fed by a very large pipe which brings runoff from pools 6 & 8 as well as from the numerous tiny springs along the trail. The mineral content is low, and the water is cooler than most -- you can stay for a long time, unlike the hotter pools, but after an hour or two you do start to cool down. It is a nice, large, fairly deep pool, with lots of flat space around it that is easy to use to undress. Because of this it is also very popular and you'll usually have to share. This is the only pool that is visible from the main trail on the other side of the river. The great advantage of this pool is that, although not right next to the river, it is close enough to sneak down for a quick dip in the almost freezing water -- which is a wonderful experience. The path, such as it is, down the steep slope to the river is very rocky and is hard to do in bare feet (i usually slip into my boots or bring sandles) -- at the river you will find two house-sized boulders and if you sneak between them, there is a warmish pool to stand ankle deep in (it's runoff from the springs) and you can splash part or all of your body into the ice cold water staying fairly protected from the current. The river is very swift and very cold and you should be extremely careful to keep out of the current at all costs.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 3 -- One of the better ones.
SIZE: 3 -- Large.
FEED: -3 -- Big nasty runoff pipe!
HOT: -1 -- Lukewarm [spring 1998]
STAY: 2 -- Stay awhile!
ACCESS: 3 -- Good trail, flat soft apron!
PRIVACY: 1 -- Large and sometimes crowded, visible from trail across river.
FOREST: 1 -- In a clearing, but the river is beautiful too!
PIPES: -3 -- Big ugly pipe.

Pool 6

Pool six is right alongside the trail -- perhaps less than a meter away. It's back is a concrete wall from the construction at the old resort, but the hot water bubbles up through the sand from below -- making it appear at least, as a real spring. It is quite small, but reasonably deep and the mineral content is higher than most.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 1 -- Shallow.
SIZE: -2 -- Nice and cozy for two people.
FEED: 3 -- Bubbles from below!
HOT: 1 -- Nice [spring 1998]
STAY: 2 -- Hang out all afternoon and chat with the people on the trail.
ACCESS: 3 -- Directly next to the trail.
PRIVACY: -3 -- The pool is almost on the trail.
FOREST: 1 -- Trail opening takes you a bit away from the forest, but it is still very nice.
PIPES: -2 -- No pipes, but the concrete wall is from the resort.

Pool 5

Pool five is a fairly new pool, far above the trail on the hillside on wet, sulfur covered rocks, it is a slippery, difficult climb -- perhaps a 40 or 45 feet above the trail rocks -- but there is also a somewhat hidden trail up, which you should be certain to use. This is a nice looking pool with a feed from a stream (from a pipe not too far away) and is fairly deep. But there is a strange phenomenon with this pool: The top 25 or so centimeters are very hot, but beneath that is 20 or so centimeters of mud which is ice cold. Very uncomfortable. Mineral content seems very low, the pool is a comfortable size for 2 people, no more. Watch this pretty, isolated pool because if the temperature problems clear up, it will be a VERY nice one.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 1 -- Shallow.
SIZE: 1 -- Nice for two people.
FEED: 1 -- A stream (from a pipe).
HOT: - 1 -- Mixed nice water with frigid mud. Not usable. [spring 1998]
STAY: -3 -- Can't get in.
ACCESS: -3 -- It's easy to fall and hurt yourself climbing the slope.
PRIVACY: 3 -- Very private! The pool is almost not visible from the trail below.
FOREST: 3 -- Excellent and all around you!
PIPES: 1 -- Not visible, and the stream is nice.

Pool 4

Pool four is another very new pool, far above the trail on the hillside. It is a slippery, difficult climb -- perhaps a 30 or 40 feet above the trail on wet, sulfur covered rocks -- to the little pool. Since it is a new pool, it is still very small. I added a bit to the construction both of the last few times i was there and i'm sure it will grow over time. I am sure of this because other than it's size and accessibility, this is a very nice pool. It is very hot and somewhat isolated. Since it is rarely used, we recently found quite a number of spiders nearby, but we gently moved them away. It is fed by a series of pipes coming down the hillside and the mineral content is medium. It is worth spending some time there, and helping to build it up as this will soon be a favorite.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: -2 -- Very shallow, you have to lay down to get under the water.
SIZE: -1 -- Tight for two people.
FEED: -2 -- Pipes and broken pipes.
HOT: 2 -- Very hot; Hot enough that it hurts to first step into it; not so hot that you can't sit in it, but just hot enough to be nice. [spring 1998]
STAY: 1 -- You probably won't want to make this the only pool you visit... yet.
ACCESS: - 2 -- It's easy to fall and hurt yourself climbing the slope.
PRIVACY: 2 -- The pool is almost not visible from the trail below.
FOREST: 3 -- Excellent and all around you!
PIPES: -2 -- Pretty nasty.

Pool 3

Pool three is by far the largest pool. Several years ago this was my favorite pool but it has gotten slightly larger and considerably cooler over the years. Since this pool is fed only by run off from pool two, the enlarging of that pool is probably why this one is cooler. Now it is rarely used, and then mostly by kids. Sometimes it is nice to move from the hot end of pool two into this pool to cool down, but you can't stay long in this pool without getting chilled. The mineral content is medium to low. This pool is by far the easiest to access because it is just inches from the trail, with a large space to undress and just a step down into the pool.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 3 -- At the middle it is the deepest of all the pools.
SIZE: 3 -- Very large.
FEED: -2 -- The runoff from pool 2, but it cascades through a scree slope.
HOT: -1 -- Quite cool, perhaps slightly below body temperature. Good pool if you wind up at the Hot Springs in the summertime. The coolest of them all. [spring 1998]
STAY: -1 -- Can't stay long, you get chilled quickly.
ACCESS: 3 -- Extremely easy.
PRIVACY: -2 -- Right on the trail! Every passerby sticks their hand in!
FOREST: 1 -- Nice.
PIPES: 1 -- Not visible.

Pool 2

Pool two is in a pretty setting surrounded directly by a cliff. It is at what appears to be the end of the trail and completely in view of the trail -- which detracts quite a bit from the privacy. A scree slope approximately 1.5 meters high forms the front of this pool and the water cascades out of the scree slope into pool 3. This crescent shaped pool has grown considerably over the last few years, in 1992 it could only fit 2 people; i think it's far too big now. The mineral content is medium to high. The pool has two feeds, and one is a cute little waterfall where a pipe from the old resort spills out of the cliff about 70 centimeters above the pool; this is the only place in the Olympics that you can sit underneath cascading hot water. A large rock within this pool divides the pool into two different parts with very different water temperatures.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 2 -- Good, sitting leaning back will cover the shoulders. The left side is shallower.
SIZE: 3 -- Very large. Perhaps too big for comfort, certainly too big to sustain any good heat.
FEED: 2 -- It is still from pipes from the resort, but they are both hidden and very pretty.
HOT: 1 -- It's a mixture, the left side is far too cool, while the right side is too hot to sit in for long. [1998]
STAY: 3 -- It is actually a good pool to stay in for a while because you can move back and forth from the hot to the lukewarm.
ACCESS: 2 -- Right off the trail; the scree slope is short but slippery.
PRIVACY: - 2 -- Directly on the trail.
FOREST: 2 -- Good trees and ferns and mist, the cliff at the back is nice and a small cave is forming.
PIPES: 2 -- Not visible, but still feed by a pipe and not a directly by a spring.

Pool 1

Pool one is nice and secluded. It is up a steep hill and is almost as far from the next closest pool as the longest distance between any other pools, so one would think you would have privacy here, but is also, by far, the most popular and therefore can be crowded. I often avoid it for that reason and because the weird people who visit the springs usually gravitate to this pool. This also can cause it to have more garbage than the others. Nevertheless it is a very nice pool. And i have, occasionally, had some privacy here.

This pool, which can be a bit too hot, has a cold stream which can be diverted into the pool to cool it down and also to cool yourself off by scooping up water and splashing it upon yourself -- a very important aspect that is sorely missing from many of the pools. Also the mineral content of this pool is very low, the lowest of all the pools, which is somewhat disappointing.
RATINGS:
DEPTH: 2 -- quite good, sitting leaning back will cover the shoulders.
SIZE: 2 -- it is big enough for 5 or 6 comfortably and a tight fit for maybe 8 or more.
FEED: 1 -- is from a stream down the hillside that comes from an old pipe from the resort. Not great, but not the worst.
HOT: 2 -- very hot, but you can still sit in it for awhile. [1998]
STAY: 1 -- Would get the highest rating, but it is too crowded so it got a mediocre rating.
ACCESS: 1 -- longest walk, and up a steep hill, difficult, but not dangerous.
PRIVACY: -1 -- Most isolated, but by far the most popular and therefore crowded. FOREST: 3 -- Gorgeous view! Perfect.
PIPES: 1 -- Not visible, but still feed by a pipe and not a directly by a spring.



Litter, trash and garbage are a huge problem at the hot springs. Unfortunately a lot of horrible, brainless, people dump all sorts of garbage on the trails, in the forest, around the pools and even in the pools!!!!

One cannot visit Olympic Hot Springs without being totally nauseated by the garbage everywhere! There are even some fools who place candles on the rocks around the pools, let the wax dribble down around the rocks and then LEAVE it there!

Please, i beg you, do not leave any garbage: food wrappers, fruit peels or cores, cigarette butts, bottles, bottle caps, candle wax, towels, underwear, toilet paper or anything else. Pack every piece of it out.

I ALWAYS bring a garbage bag (and sometimes gloves!) and pick up lots of garbage before i get in the pools and maybe on the walk home. I encourage everyone who visits the springs to take the responsibility to do the same.



Every time i go to Elwha i have a couple of fantasies....

I dream of getting some heavy machinery in there and a work crew and pulling out every concrete block, every piece of garbage, large or small, every pipeline and other remnant of the old resort, the port-a-potty and everything, and then, as they pull out, pulling up and hauling out all of the pavement. Then building an actual hiking trail in place of the road... which would mean repairing much of that slope so the damage from the road is not causing it to collapse.

In fact, I dream of pulling out all of the pavement, and services not only back to the trail head, (3.5 km from the springs) but all the way back to the valley overlook at the bend in the road above the dam (about 7.4 km from the hot springs), and having the real hiking trail run from there. Once the trail was built, the trail could be designed so it was impossible for vehicles to negotiate it. No bikes, cars or brain dead losers would be able to use the trail.

I dream of tearing out the Lake Mills dam, which you pass on the way in, and allowing the valley (and the salmon) to function naturally. Further I dream of tearing out, not only the pavement and dam, but the entire Hot Springs road from Highway 101, to the new trailhead at the valley overlook, and replacing it with a singleline rail for a alpine train to negotiate. There could be a small covered station at the top and at the bottom, your fare would help support the trail and the springs, no one could go in after the last train and, we hope, people would not go in unprepared. Regular work parties could keep building up the pools using mud and stones and logs only... And best of all, no vehicles other than the train could possibly penetrate the wilderness!

But then i also dream of enforcing the litter laws too...

All Red Dwarf Episodes, rated

mrk.'s RED DWARF
EPISODE GUIDE
with ratings!

---

	EPISODE TITLE	SERIES	SHOW	AIRDATE	I'VE SEEN	MY RATING
1	The End	I	101	15-Feb-88	yes	88
2	Future Echos	I	102	22-Feb-88	yes	80
3	Balance of Power	I	103	29-Feb-88	yes	70
4	Waiting For God	I	104	07-Mar-88	yes	96
5	Confidence & Paranoia	I	105	14-Mar-88	yes	68
6	ME²	I	106	21-Mar-88	yes	71
7	Kryten	II	201	06-Sep-88	yes	73
8	Better Than Life	II	202	13-Sep-88	yes	89
9	Thanks for the Memory	II	203	20-Sep-88	yes	61
10	Stasis Leak	II	204	27-Sep-88	yes	81
11	Queeg	II	205	04-Oct-88	yes	64
12	Paralell Universe	II	206	11-Oct-88	yes	95
13	Backwards	III	301	14-Nov-89	yes	86
14	Marroned	III	302	21-Nov-89	yes	70
15	Polymorph	III	303	28-Nov-89	yes	70
16	Bodyswap	III	304	05-Dec-89	yes	74
17	Timeslides	III	305	12-Dec-89	yes	73
18	The Last Day	III	306	19-Dec-89	yes	92
19	Camille	IV	401	14-Feb-91	yes	85
20	DNA	IV	402	21-Feb-91	yes	72
21	Justice	IV	403	28-Feb-91	yes	71
22	White Hole	IV	404	07-Mar-91	yes	87
23	Dimension Jump	IV	405	14-Mar-91	yes	88
24	Meltdown	IV	406	21-Mar-91	yes	51
25	Holoship	V	501	20-Feb-92	yes	73
26	The Inquisitor	V	502	27-Feb-92	yes	84
27	Terrorform	V	503	05-Mar-92	yes	66
28	Quarrantine	V	504	12-Mar-92	yes	72
29	Demons & Angels	V	505	19-Mar-92	yes	79
30	Back To Reality	V	506	26-Mar-92	yes	94
31	Psirens	VI	601	10-Oct-93	yes	60
32	Legion	VI	602	17-Oct-93	yes	70
33	Gunmen of the Apocolypse	VI	603	24-Oct-93	yes	71
34	Emohawk: Polymorph 2	VI	604	31-Oct-93	yes	66
35	Rimmerworld	VI	605	07-Nov-93	yes	72
36	Out of Time	VI	606	14-Nov-93	yes	78
	Series seven SUCKS!
37	Tikka to Ride	VII	701	17-Jan-97	yes	31
38	Stoke me a Clipper	VII	702	24-Jan-97	yes	62
39	Ouroboros	VII	703	31-Jan-97	yes	59
40	Duct Soup	VII	704	07-Feb-97	yes	49
41	Blue	VII	705	14-Feb-97	yes	52
42	Beyond a Joke	VII	706	21-Feb-97	yes	62
43	Epideme	VII	707	28-Feb-97	yes	69
44	Nanarchy	VII	708	07-Mar-97	yes	51
45	Back in the Red 1	VIII	801	1998	yes	55
46	Back in the Red 2	VIII	802	1998	yes	20
47	Back in the Red 3	VIII	803	1998	yes	35
48	Cassandra	VIII	804	1998	yes	45
49	Krytie TV	VIII	805	1998	yes	11
50	Pete 1	VIII	806	1998	yes	43
51	Pete 2	VIII	807	1998	yes	44
52	Only the Good	VIII	808	1998	yes	60

Matanuska Glacier scramble

I am employed by Pacific Science Center in Seattle, but i get to work all over the country.  I travel with an exhibit owned by PSC, rented to other science museums.  The exhibit is called Mostly Music, it's about the science of music.  In January i got to drive a forklift in the snow down 6th Ave in Anchorage carrying a working 12 foot high guitar!   I'm in charge of unloading the 18 wheeler and supervising the local crew doing set up.  Then i repair what's broken and go home for the 3 month run of the exhibit.  I come back to tear it down.  I've been to Tennessee, Berkeley California and Anchorage Alaska.  Later this month (May 1998) i'm going to Hoboken New Jersey!

I just got back from Anchorage for the second time.  Since we had a very tight schedule, (the exhibit had to go by ship instead of truck) PSC sent Steve with me for some extra hands.  We worked through the weekend, and despite all predictions, actually finished in 4 days. We had both planned on spending an extra day or two in Alaska, to have some fun.  On Tuesday Calvin, one of our day workers was going to take us flying, but he stood us up -- big surprise!  I kind of felt all along that he wasn't going to come through with it but Steve was very disappointed.

Instead we borrowed Mia's car and drove out the Glen Highway to Palmer and beyond to the Matanuska Glacier.  The mountains, Chugach to the left and Talkeetna to the right, were AWESOME.  It was really neat driving along the area of  my NOLS trip, although i must admit i didn't recognize anything. (In 1992 i spent 32 days off trail on the OTHER side of the Talkeetnas and only a few hours on this highway!)

Glacier access, and the glacier itself, is privately owned, if you can believe that.  We paid our $6.50 (i  would sure rather that went to a government instead of an individual!) and drove through the riverbed towards the glacier.  We encountered a huge puddle, which after tossing lots of stones and
sticks and wondering, Steve decided was safe to drive through.  I had serious questions but he was in 4wd and just sped through... we were fine, and he had too much fun! 

We got to the glacier area and walked up towards it...  the ice on the pond below it was melting in the heat of the sun and on top of the slush was this paper-thin layer of ice, which  you could pick up, and even blow a hole in!  It was cool.  In the mud where the little streams of silt-saturated-glacier-water were trickling, there were many different shades of mud, all in beautiful patterns!  And the silt in the water in the river was the right crystalline shape to cause swirly patterns like the swirly ball at PSC....
wild!  I loved it!  Steve was enthralled examining, and collecting, the rocks. 

Then we walked up on to the black ice, and then the glacier itself.  Of course i slipped and fell immediately.  The glacier, like all the others i've been on, was stunning.  I love the little streams and ponds that are formed on the ice!  We walked farther and farther up the glacer, heading for a
giant heaving fold of blue ice. The surface was snowy and pretty hard, but there were places where we would post-hole 3 or 4 feet.

We reached the gorgeous blue ice, walked around it, and then beyond, marveling at the sensational pond of water with ice and snow on it -- this was frozen water, sitting on frozen water, floating on liquid water, sitting on frozen water!  Wow! 

I am used to be very prepared for such expeditions, in fact i am usually fanatical about being
over-prepared, but today i had on only had walking shoes (with good tread), corduroys and no
ice axe or anything. I did have a water bottle, but i still felt stupid.  Or rather, i felt like it was getting in over my head.  I loved the glacier, but i didn't like that feeling. We actually got ourselves pretty high up on a ridge, and Steve was getting summit fever, but clearly what we could see was not a
summit. 

We knew it was getting late, but instead of turning around and going back the way we came, we continued up the ridge, hoping to get to the end and cross over the the next one north and come down.  Of course when we got there we found that wasn't possible, but Steve decided to go down this tight, deep little chute -- i was scared and frustrated about being unprepared.  This was not a chute
like a rock slide or anything, it was a solid sheet of curved ice, that descended about 170 feet.  There was snow in much of the chute and we were able to self arrest with our feet, and in-fact were able to plunge step much of the way. 

About halfway down Steve stopped to take a photo of a second chute next to us; this one was shapped like a 'U'.  It went down and then back up again and the point we were standing next to was at the bottom of the U..  As my mind had completely left at this point i... got .... in ... the ... chute, for the
photo.  I bet it's an awsome photo (i haven't seen it yet.) but when it came time to get out, i was in big trouble. 

I had to cross a small wall of pure ice, about 3 feet high and 4 feet wide.  There was nothing to hold on to and on the other side was a 90 foot drop.  I was as scared as i've ever been and cussing myself for being unprepared and letting myself get into this.  I tried to climb the snow in the upslope leg of the 'U' so i could get to a more accessible place, but the snow just collapsed, so finally i just had to jump over and twist around in mid air and do a self arrest in the chute when i hit.  I did it, but it really scared me. 

Why Series Seven Sucks

Why Series seven Sucks

I was so disappointed with Red Dwarf Series Seven.  

First off i need to state the obvious.  The entire season violates the three fundamental issues that guide Red Dwarf, the fundamental points that that made the show interesting.

1. The class difference and personality conflict between between Lister and Rimmer.
   
2. Ennui: the complete lack of control, trapped on a driverless ship in deep space 3 million years in the future and absolutely nothing to do.
   
3. Lister's personality, his filth, inherent humanity and most of all, his pining for Kochanski. 

So i spent some time thinking about it and i came up with ten points.  I know there are more.

• Rimmer is gone/dead.

The interaction between Lister and Rimmer is the entire underpinning of the show, the foundation that everything centers on.  This interaction is based on a fundamental class difference (that doesn't  really exist in the USA -- that is why the US pilots didn't work!) and it is where all of the irony and humor derive from. Without this political commentary and character interplay, the show is just a lot of fart jokes -- Black Adder with out Rowan Atkinson. It's not just dumb -- it's embarrassingly intolerable.

• The Cat is a Pilot.

One of the most wonderful things about Red Dwarf is Danny Jules-John's characterization of an actual cat -- it's right on the mark. The moves, the clothes, the horniness, the arrogance, etc. The great cat quotes:

"I'm gonna eat you little fishy!",

"This is mine, and this is mine and this is mine..."

In Series Seven the Cat is: THE PILOT.

That's all. Nothing more. Just this guy who sits in the background and steers the ship. It's sad. I'm not unhappy that they gave him something to do, but it is horribly disappointing that they removed all of his character! For the first time ever he doesn't care that there is a woman on board the ship. He doesn't eat at all during the series, everything he says and does makes sense and he even wears the same suit throughout the whole series!!!!! Bring back the Cat!

• Lister is vapid.

We've grown to love Lister as a thoughtful, caring, intelligent guy, who just happens to chew his toenails and eat atomic curries. The juxtaposition of his humanity, and intellect, with his filth was the entire structure of the character -- we were actually happy that the last human alive was this  kind of person, good hearted, intelligent, but down to earth enough and with a strong enough self image that he didn't have to accomplish anything. The quintessential opposite of Rimmer.

The series seven Lister is a vapid parody.  He's worse than a US TV character. The goodness of character (which is fundamental to his personality in series 1 - 6) never shows, although a bit of rage and vengeance does.

(Now i realize Craig Charles was on trial for possible criminal acts during the filming of this series and GrantNaylor didn't know if he would be convicted, thus requiring Lister to be killed off, but that doesn't excuse the complete change/loss of personality.)

• Kryten is whinny.

Kryten as a slightly "off" android was amusing -- Kryten as an over the edge, out of control, stupid, domineering, jealous loony is awful and painfully embarrassing to watch.

For the first time in Red Dwarf we are presented with situations that have an obvious, easy solution that is ignored by the characters -- just like all US sitcoms. (Such as when Kryten makes the anniversary dinner right when they were heading to the VR suite. The whole show is based on the problems this causes when they could easily eat and THEN play. Come on, what kind of time constraints do the have? They're lost in deep space!!!!) It is insulting.

• Everything's changed.

How can you call it a character if the entire personality changes at will? Every character in the show has changed completely and fundamentally -- they are unrecognizable. It's not Red Dwarf. It's obvious they are trying to appeal to a mainstream American audience -- but then, i don't like American TV. Perhaps they are all supposed to be imposters and Series Eight will show us the real Boyz from the Dwarf.

• Lister loves Kochanski?

The second of the three fundamental issues in Red Dwarf is destroyed, not by bringing Crissie Kochanski on board, but by making Lister not care. For 36 shows one of the most important aspects of his personality was his pining for Kochanski. Now she's here and she's a bitch who doesn't want him. This alone breaks the spell to some degree... but shouldn't he CARE!!? Shouldn't this have some kind of effect on him? ...or perhaps this is the excuse for why he has no personality in Series seven?

• Kochanski's character is weak.

Instead of trying to actually create a character, they appear to have told Chloe to just be as bitchy as possible. She shows the occasional evidence of talent or feelings, but they are fleeting. Late in the series GrantNaylor appears to try to replicate the upper class half of the Lister-Rimmer class war using Kochanski, however it fails completely. Worst of all, she isn't Kochanski! Chloe doesn't even resemble CP Grogan in the slightest -- and she's obviously more than 10 years younger than Grogan AND Lister. Finally, and this really shouldn't matter, but lacking any other redeemable qualities, it is disappointing that she isn't even attractive.

• Searching in Star Bug.

The last of the three basic premises in the show was the complete lack of control, and lack of anything to do. The three (and then four) of them were left with this HUGE ship to explore and strange exploits to concoct, but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else to do -- This made the show.

Now (as well as in series 6) they are in a spacecraft seeking out strange new worlds. I don't know why they decided to move away from what worked, but now it's not Red Dwarf, it's fucking Star Trek, only with less cleavage and weaker plotlines.

• There are no plots.

All eight of the shows have little or no plot. So what? very few of the 36 previous shows had any plot either. But the previous shows had Lister & Rimmer fighting a class war, Lister the sensitive human in a filthy shell struggling with boredom and lost love, The Cat's antics, a crazy computer and a slightly disturbed android all stuck with lots of time on their hands on huge ship with no direction or goal thus giving the crew something to explore along with their feeling of ennui. All of that is gone. All of it. So it the lack of a plot becomes a major problem.

• Inane storylines.

The bit about changing the JFK assassination was not only totally random, but utterly stupid. (Although i do have to admit to being briefly amused by the final touch that left JFK assassinating himself from the grassy knoll!) When Lister leaves himself as a baby under the pool table to "give some continuality to the universe and hold it together for ever" Is not only stupid but self important and arrogant far out of proportion of the previous series of Red Dwarf. It certainly violates everything we know about Lister's character. The last time he turned out to be god, he was pissed off! This time only the viewers were.

• Holly.

I really miss Holly. I think she/he was a very important part of the lack of control the crew felt. Perhaps i also miss her/him because they made a change in the show with her that REALLY WORKED, unlike all the changes that failed this time. I was thrilled that she/he returned at the end. Perhaps there is hope for Series Eight!