All Red Dwarf Episodes, rated

mrk.'s RED DWARF
EPISODE GUIDE
with ratings!

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	EPISODE TITLE	SERIES	SHOW	AIRDATE	I'VE SEEN	MY RATING
1	The End	I	101	15-Feb-88	yes	88
2	Future Echos	I	102	22-Feb-88	yes	80
3	Balance of Power	I	103	29-Feb-88	yes	70
4	Waiting For God	I	104	07-Mar-88	yes	96
5	Confidence & Paranoia	I	105	14-Mar-88	yes	68
6	ME²	I	106	21-Mar-88	yes	71
7	Kryten	II	201	06-Sep-88	yes	73
8	Better Than Life	II	202	13-Sep-88	yes	89
9	Thanks for the Memory	II	203	20-Sep-88	yes	61
10	Stasis Leak	II	204	27-Sep-88	yes	81
11	Queeg	II	205	04-Oct-88	yes	64
12	Paralell Universe	II	206	11-Oct-88	yes	95
13	Backwards	III	301	14-Nov-89	yes	86
14	Marroned	III	302	21-Nov-89	yes	70
15	Polymorph	III	303	28-Nov-89	yes	70
16	Bodyswap	III	304	05-Dec-89	yes	74
17	Timeslides	III	305	12-Dec-89	yes	73
18	The Last Day	III	306	19-Dec-89	yes	92
19	Camille	IV	401	14-Feb-91	yes	85
20	DNA	IV	402	21-Feb-91	yes	72
21	Justice	IV	403	28-Feb-91	yes	71
22	White Hole	IV	404	07-Mar-91	yes	87
23	Dimension Jump	IV	405	14-Mar-91	yes	88
24	Meltdown	IV	406	21-Mar-91	yes	51
25	Holoship	V	501	20-Feb-92	yes	73
26	The Inquisitor	V	502	27-Feb-92	yes	84
27	Terrorform	V	503	05-Mar-92	yes	66
28	Quarrantine	V	504	12-Mar-92	yes	72
29	Demons & Angels	V	505	19-Mar-92	yes	79
30	Back To Reality	V	506	26-Mar-92	yes	94
31	Psirens	VI	601	10-Oct-93	yes	60
32	Legion	VI	602	17-Oct-93	yes	70
33	Gunmen of the Apocolypse	VI	603	24-Oct-93	yes	71
34	Emohawk: Polymorph 2	VI	604	31-Oct-93	yes	66
35	Rimmerworld	VI	605	07-Nov-93	yes	72
36	Out of Time	VI	606	14-Nov-93	yes	78
	Series seven SUCKS!
37	Tikka to Ride	VII	701	17-Jan-97	yes	31
38	Stoke me a Clipper	VII	702	24-Jan-97	yes	62
39	Ouroboros	VII	703	31-Jan-97	yes	59
40	Duct Soup	VII	704	07-Feb-97	yes	49
41	Blue	VII	705	14-Feb-97	yes	52
42	Beyond a Joke	VII	706	21-Feb-97	yes	62
43	Epideme	VII	707	28-Feb-97	yes	69
44	Nanarchy	VII	708	07-Mar-97	yes	51
45	Back in the Red 1	VIII	801	1998	yes	55
46	Back in the Red 2	VIII	802	1998	yes	20
47	Back in the Red 3	VIII	803	1998	yes	35
48	Cassandra	VIII	804	1998	yes	45
49	Krytie TV	VIII	805	1998	yes	11
50	Pete 1	VIII	806	1998	yes	43
51	Pete 2	VIII	807	1998	yes	44
52	Only the Good	VIII	808	1998	yes	60

Matanuska Glacier scramble

I am employed by Pacific Science Center in Seattle, but i get to work all over the country.  I travel with an exhibit owned by PSC, rented to other science museums.  The exhibit is called Mostly Music, it's about the science of music.  In January i got to drive a forklift in the snow down 6th Ave in Anchorage carrying a working 12 foot high guitar!   I'm in charge of unloading the 18 wheeler and supervising the local crew doing set up.  Then i repair what's broken and go home for the 3 month run of the exhibit.  I come back to tear it down.  I've been to Tennessee, Berkeley California and Anchorage Alaska.  Later this month (May 1998) i'm going to Hoboken New Jersey!

I just got back from Anchorage for the second time.  Since we had a very tight schedule, (the exhibit had to go by ship instead of truck) PSC sent Steve with me for some extra hands.  We worked through the weekend, and despite all predictions, actually finished in 4 days. We had both planned on spending an extra day or two in Alaska, to have some fun.  On Tuesday Calvin, one of our day workers was going to take us flying, but he stood us up -- big surprise!  I kind of felt all along that he wasn't going to come through with it but Steve was very disappointed.

Instead we borrowed Mia's car and drove out the Glen Highway to Palmer and beyond to the Matanuska Glacier.  The mountains, Chugach to the left and Talkeetna to the right, were AWESOME.  It was really neat driving along the area of  my NOLS trip, although i must admit i didn't recognize anything. (In 1992 i spent 32 days off trail on the OTHER side of the Talkeetnas and only a few hours on this highway!)

Glacier access, and the glacier itself, is privately owned, if you can believe that.  We paid our $6.50 (i  would sure rather that went to a government instead of an individual!) and drove through the riverbed towards the glacier.  We encountered a huge puddle, which after tossing lots of stones and
sticks and wondering, Steve decided was safe to drive through.  I had serious questions but he was in 4wd and just sped through... we were fine, and he had too much fun! 

We got to the glacier area and walked up towards it...  the ice on the pond below it was melting in the heat of the sun and on top of the slush was this paper-thin layer of ice, which  you could pick up, and even blow a hole in!  It was cool.  In the mud where the little streams of silt-saturated-glacier-water were trickling, there were many different shades of mud, all in beautiful patterns!  And the silt in the water in the river was the right crystalline shape to cause swirly patterns like the swirly ball at PSC....
wild!  I loved it!  Steve was enthralled examining, and collecting, the rocks. 

Then we walked up on to the black ice, and then the glacier itself.  Of course i slipped and fell immediately.  The glacier, like all the others i've been on, was stunning.  I love the little streams and ponds that are formed on the ice!  We walked farther and farther up the glacer, heading for a
giant heaving fold of blue ice. The surface was snowy and pretty hard, but there were places where we would post-hole 3 or 4 feet.

We reached the gorgeous blue ice, walked around it, and then beyond, marveling at the sensational pond of water with ice and snow on it -- this was frozen water, sitting on frozen water, floating on liquid water, sitting on frozen water!  Wow! 

I am used to be very prepared for such expeditions, in fact i am usually fanatical about being
over-prepared, but today i had on only had walking shoes (with good tread), corduroys and no
ice axe or anything. I did have a water bottle, but i still felt stupid.  Or rather, i felt like it was getting in over my head.  I loved the glacier, but i didn't like that feeling. We actually got ourselves pretty high up on a ridge, and Steve was getting summit fever, but clearly what we could see was not a
summit. 

We knew it was getting late, but instead of turning around and going back the way we came, we continued up the ridge, hoping to get to the end and cross over the the next one north and come down.  Of course when we got there we found that wasn't possible, but Steve decided to go down this tight, deep little chute -- i was scared and frustrated about being unprepared.  This was not a chute
like a rock slide or anything, it was a solid sheet of curved ice, that descended about 170 feet.  There was snow in much of the chute and we were able to self arrest with our feet, and in-fact were able to plunge step much of the way. 

About halfway down Steve stopped to take a photo of a second chute next to us; this one was shapped like a 'U'.  It went down and then back up again and the point we were standing next to was at the bottom of the U..  As my mind had completely left at this point i... got .... in ... the ... chute, for the
photo.  I bet it's an awsome photo (i haven't seen it yet.) but when it came time to get out, i was in big trouble. 

I had to cross a small wall of pure ice, about 3 feet high and 4 feet wide.  There was nothing to hold on to and on the other side was a 90 foot drop.  I was as scared as i've ever been and cussing myself for being unprepared and letting myself get into this.  I tried to climb the snow in the upslope leg of the 'U' so i could get to a more accessible place, but the snow just collapsed, so finally i just had to jump over and twist around in mid air and do a self arrest in the chute when i hit.  I did it, but it really scared me. 

Why Series Seven Sucks

Why Series seven Sucks

I was so disappointed with Red Dwarf Series Seven.  

First off i need to state the obvious.  The entire season violates the three fundamental issues that guide Red Dwarf, the fundamental points that that made the show interesting.

1. The class difference and personality conflict between between Lister and Rimmer.
   
2. Ennui: the complete lack of control, trapped on a driverless ship in deep space 3 million years in the future and absolutely nothing to do.
   
3. Lister's personality, his filth, inherent humanity and most of all, his pining for Kochanski. 

So i spent some time thinking about it and i came up with ten points.  I know there are more.

• Rimmer is gone/dead.

The interaction between Lister and Rimmer is the entire underpinning of the show, the foundation that everything centers on.  This interaction is based on a fundamental class difference (that doesn't  really exist in the USA -- that is why the US pilots didn't work!) and it is where all of the irony and humor derive from. Without this political commentary and character interplay, the show is just a lot of fart jokes -- Black Adder with out Rowan Atkinson. It's not just dumb -- it's embarrassingly intolerable.

• The Cat is a Pilot.

One of the most wonderful things about Red Dwarf is Danny Jules-John's characterization of an actual cat -- it's right on the mark. The moves, the clothes, the horniness, the arrogance, etc. The great cat quotes:

"I'm gonna eat you little fishy!",

"This is mine, and this is mine and this is mine..."

In Series Seven the Cat is: THE PILOT.

That's all. Nothing more. Just this guy who sits in the background and steers the ship. It's sad. I'm not unhappy that they gave him something to do, but it is horribly disappointing that they removed all of his character! For the first time ever he doesn't care that there is a woman on board the ship. He doesn't eat at all during the series, everything he says and does makes sense and he even wears the same suit throughout the whole series!!!!! Bring back the Cat!

• Lister is vapid.

We've grown to love Lister as a thoughtful, caring, intelligent guy, who just happens to chew his toenails and eat atomic curries. The juxtaposition of his humanity, and intellect, with his filth was the entire structure of the character -- we were actually happy that the last human alive was this  kind of person, good hearted, intelligent, but down to earth enough and with a strong enough self image that he didn't have to accomplish anything. The quintessential opposite of Rimmer.

The series seven Lister is a vapid parody.  He's worse than a US TV character. The goodness of character (which is fundamental to his personality in series 1 - 6) never shows, although a bit of rage and vengeance does.

(Now i realize Craig Charles was on trial for possible criminal acts during the filming of this series and GrantNaylor didn't know if he would be convicted, thus requiring Lister to be killed off, but that doesn't excuse the complete change/loss of personality.)

• Kryten is whinny.

Kryten as a slightly "off" android was amusing -- Kryten as an over the edge, out of control, stupid, domineering, jealous loony is awful and painfully embarrassing to watch.

For the first time in Red Dwarf we are presented with situations that have an obvious, easy solution that is ignored by the characters -- just like all US sitcoms. (Such as when Kryten makes the anniversary dinner right when they were heading to the VR suite. The whole show is based on the problems this causes when they could easily eat and THEN play. Come on, what kind of time constraints do the have? They're lost in deep space!!!!) It is insulting.

• Everything's changed.

How can you call it a character if the entire personality changes at will? Every character in the show has changed completely and fundamentally -- they are unrecognizable. It's not Red Dwarf. It's obvious they are trying to appeal to a mainstream American audience -- but then, i don't like American TV. Perhaps they are all supposed to be imposters and Series Eight will show us the real Boyz from the Dwarf.

• Lister loves Kochanski?

The second of the three fundamental issues in Red Dwarf is destroyed, not by bringing Crissie Kochanski on board, but by making Lister not care. For 36 shows one of the most important aspects of his personality was his pining for Kochanski. Now she's here and she's a bitch who doesn't want him. This alone breaks the spell to some degree... but shouldn't he CARE!!? Shouldn't this have some kind of effect on him? ...or perhaps this is the excuse for why he has no personality in Series seven?

• Kochanski's character is weak.

Instead of trying to actually create a character, they appear to have told Chloe to just be as bitchy as possible. She shows the occasional evidence of talent or feelings, but they are fleeting. Late in the series GrantNaylor appears to try to replicate the upper class half of the Lister-Rimmer class war using Kochanski, however it fails completely. Worst of all, she isn't Kochanski! Chloe doesn't even resemble CP Grogan in the slightest -- and she's obviously more than 10 years younger than Grogan AND Lister. Finally, and this really shouldn't matter, but lacking any other redeemable qualities, it is disappointing that she isn't even attractive.

• Searching in Star Bug.

The last of the three basic premises in the show was the complete lack of control, and lack of anything to do. The three (and then four) of them were left with this HUGE ship to explore and strange exploits to concoct, but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else to do -- This made the show.

Now (as well as in series 6) they are in a spacecraft seeking out strange new worlds. I don't know why they decided to move away from what worked, but now it's not Red Dwarf, it's fucking Star Trek, only with less cleavage and weaker plotlines.

• There are no plots.

All eight of the shows have little or no plot. So what? very few of the 36 previous shows had any plot either. But the previous shows had Lister & Rimmer fighting a class war, Lister the sensitive human in a filthy shell struggling with boredom and lost love, The Cat's antics, a crazy computer and a slightly disturbed android all stuck with lots of time on their hands on huge ship with no direction or goal thus giving the crew something to explore along with their feeling of ennui. All of that is gone. All of it. So it the lack of a plot becomes a major problem.

• Inane storylines.

The bit about changing the JFK assassination was not only totally random, but utterly stupid. (Although i do have to admit to being briefly amused by the final touch that left JFK assassinating himself from the grassy knoll!) When Lister leaves himself as a baby under the pool table to "give some continuality to the universe and hold it together for ever" Is not only stupid but self important and arrogant far out of proportion of the previous series of Red Dwarf. It certainly violates everything we know about Lister's character. The last time he turned out to be god, he was pissed off! This time only the viewers were.

• Holly.

I really miss Holly. I think she/he was a very important part of the lack of control the crew felt. Perhaps i also miss her/him because they made a change in the show with her that REALLY WORKED, unlike all the changes that failed this time. I was thrilled that she/he returned at the end. Perhaps there is hope for Series Eight!

DEAD CARS AS ARTWORK

In the spring of 1970, when my Dad decided we would be moving from Washington DC to Jackson, (ug) Mississippi he drove his white 1963 VW Beetle down south. (We had two Beetles at the time, the other was a red convertible.) A fuse burned out just before he left - the fuse in the circuit that controlled all the dashboard functions. He decided that it didn't really matter if he didn't know how fast he was going.

Around about Birmingham, Alabama he discovered that the dead fuse also shut down the oil pressure gauge. He discovered this because he was out of oil and burned the engine up. Because he didn't have a temperature gauge either, he didn't discover the problem until the engine had fused itself into one big
lump of rapidly cooling metal.

His college roommate lived in Birmingham, so he had the tow truck tow it to the roommate's house where it sat for a year. When the roommate in question finally screamed loudly enough about moving it, Dad went over there and towed it with a pickup truck to a junkyard where he had it weighed.

He sold the transmission and roof rack, the only remaining usable parts; Once he knew the exact weight he walked over to the crane operator at the metal crushing pit and asked how much it would cost to smush 1000 lbs (or what ever it was) of scrap. The guy quoted him a figure and my Dad pointed at the
little white VW. When the guy finally stopped laughing he told my Dad that he would do it for free, because it was so funny.

Dad put the key in the ignition and then the giant electromagnet attached to the roof. Dad was taking photos while the crane picked up the car and swung it towards the pit, where the crane dropped the VW into the the eight sided crushing machine. The car was made into a cube.

The crane picked the 32 inch cube up again with the magnet, dropped it into the pickup truck and hauled it to Jackson where it took almost a dozen people a whole day to move it in to the backyard (art party!) where Dad eventually built a rock garden around it (that thing ain't EVER moving!). He even had a sign made, which he put at the corner of the fence, which read:

Volkswagen I
1963 VW 357 sedan
Bob & Beth Canizaro 1970

The Church of Baseball

The General Manager of the Boston Red Sox has proposed moving the team from Fenway Park, nestled cozily in downtown Boston, to a car-centric nightmare-dome far out in the suburbs. I don't think the idea will fly at all with people in Boston, but i wanted to put in my two cents. I do realize the real, and imagined, economics of this 'necessity' but i think there are some other, equally important issues to consider.

I lived in New England 5 different times before my 30th birthday. Despite living away from New England for longer than i actually lived there, i have been a rabid Red Sox fan for two thirds of my life, since late one October night in 1975. It's not the players, or the won/loss record or even, to a lesser degree, the city. I am a fan of the team.

Since at the moment there aren't any players who i am devoted to, i was given to wondering, just what ties me to this team, outside of my happy memories of New England and painful memories of several post-seasons?  Often it was indeed players: Marty Barrett, Dewey, The Spaceman, Fisk, Oil Can, Yaz, to name only the most significant. With each of these players, i wondered if i would continue to be so passionate in my devotion to The Townies when he retired, was traded (or discarded). In each case, sad as i was to see them go, my loyalty remained fully intact.

The conclusion i have come to is that, currently, as well as the entire two decades i have been a fan, my favorite player on the Red Sox is the ballpark. I cannot imagine following, or even caring about a team, that played in the 'Gorman Dome' out in Newton or whatever -- or even a wonderful Camden Yards style ballpark in the city.

Fenway Park is the Red Sox. It is a deeply moving experience to just walk through a tunnel into the magnificent green ballpark. I still remember when my prep school English teacher (in Maine) asked us to tell him what was beautiful to us. I immediately shouted out "Fenway Park". All the other guys giggled, but i was too proud to even be embarrassed.

I now only get the opportunity to attend a ballgame in at the church of baseball in Boston every couple of years; i don't have to go to a 80 year old ballpark daily, or not go, due to availability of tickets. And while i don't have the intimate knowledge of how nice, perhaps, a new stadium might be, i cannot see any legitimate reason for moving from Fenway; it would be worse than... trading Clemens. Or Ruth.

The Red Sox without Fenway -- just wouldn't be an interesting, enjoyable team. I suspect i would just lose interest. I don't think it would be betraying my beloved, i think they just wouldn't exist anymore.  

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Wed, 30 Mar 94 02:18 EST   Jeffrey Scott Kreisler

Well put. I never really thought of how much the park makes this team. I'll be honest, I've always, always, always loved and cherished Fenway, but I think I've taken it for granted as being the one true constant in Red Sox baseball. As much as I'm love following Mo and Clemens etc..., I think you're right when you say its the park that makes it special. I cant get as into a televised game on the road as I do all games at Fenway. Is it the mystique? the chance that something very strange will happen? the history? Who knows.

Once again, well put Mark. You gave us something to think about and reminded us how lucky we are to be Red Sox fans.

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Wed, 30 Mar 94 11:19 PST   Jad DeFanti                      

Power to you both; I'd like to third the motion. If anyone else out there isn't convinced, try going to games regularly at other parks, and you'll find that Fenway is one of the last "Field of Dreams".

Since Mark has already stated so eloquently what's special about Fenway, I won't bother to restate it here. Thank God baseball started on the East Coast.

Think When You Vote

I firmly agree with Robert S. Leigh's comment that it is of the utmost importance to exercise one's right to vote, but that is not enough. Voting alone does not ensure freedom. Mr. Leigh seems to forget that in the example he gave, the dictator (Hitler) was ELECTED. Voting does not ensure ANYTHING unless one makes an intelligent decision and refuses to cast their vote for the person that makes them feel nicer (or more important), or the person who is more popular or better looking or who's commercials are more inspiring. Voting is very important, but it is not enough. One must also learn to think.

Seventeen Reasons to Hate CD's.

1. "Common Knowledge" says that Compact Discs are perfect. CD's don't skip or get stuck, and you can't damage them. This is a complete fallacy. Compact Discs DO skip, they DO get stuck (It sounds worse than a LP when they do!) and they do it fairly often. The reality is that CD's have to be treated BETTER than LP's, because less dirt or damage will affect the way the machine reads a Compact Disc. And CD's actually have LOWER technical audio specs than LP's!
   
   
2. Where LP's are the end of a technology - you can't improve the technology without jumping to another one (digital), CD's are the infancy of a technology and many formats will come along that utilize the wonders of digital storage far better than the Compact Disc, and they will be far better, more useful products. This is a certainty.
   
   
3. Any time there is a system that must read its data 4, 6, 8 even SIXTEEN or THIRTY-TWO times just to actually get it right and make it sound continuous - there is a serious problem. The digital storage of data, including music, is a fantastic and useful idea, but a system is only as strong as it's weakest link. It is idiotic to read that data OPTICALLY!!! This is severely flawed technology - to the point of making it unusable.
   
   
4. The record companies claim that they are phasing out LP's because there is no longer any demand for them. This is completely incorrect. There is lesser demand for LP's because the record companies are making them more and more difficult, or impossible, to find. Despite the fact that 85% of all US households have a turntable and only 20% have a CD player and audio hardware companies are still making and selling turntables. At the record store i work at, 80% of sales are LPs despite 60% of the floor being CDs. Almost all of our waiting list is for LPs. That's what people are buying. But we're having trouble getting them. The major labels are pulling LP's off the market because it is far more financially lucrative, and it is logistically easier to carry fewer configurations. CD's are vastly, vastly more profitable than LP's (for the record companies. Most artists don't get any more money.) and one of the original ideas of the CD 'revolution' was to eliminate LP's to force consumers to replace their collections.
   
   
5. It is mildly interesting that Time/Life now owns WEA, the largest record company. It is more than mildly interesting that Sony, a major hardware manufacturer, owns CBS, the second largest. Sony invented the Compact Disc (actually someone working for Sony did). On the surface this would seem to be something of a conflict of interest. Upon further examination it appears to be a SERIOUS conflict of interest. It is a dangerous consolidation of power.
   
   
6. Compact Discs don't have full cover art, often don't have lyric sheets and/or liner notes that were originally included. Aside from just being annoying, this is also selling an incomplete piece of (theoretically) artwork; it is considerably less than the artist intended. Worst of all many CD's completely neglect to mention who wrote the songs! More and more we find ourselves in an age where the hand picked corporate pop stars don't write their own music (because that much brain function might kill them), so that the people who are actually being creative don't get any credit at all anymore. Since many of the mainstream pop songs these days are purchased outright and are owned by the record company, not even acknowledging that someone wrote the song, could this very possibly be a first step in the direction of stopping royalties to songwriters!
   
   
7. The profits that the record company executives are making on Compact Discs are nothing short of obscene. This is a product that costs LESS to manufacture, costs less to ship and costs less to store, but is priced far, far higher than the vinyl: sometimes double the price. The artists, and others actually involved with the creative process don't see any of this money. It all goes to the record company (mainly to the executives, who do nothing but sit on their asses!) the distributors and the record stores (mostly chains).
   
   
8. The two "major" and four "little major" record companies are very consciously using CD's as an excuse for effectively eliminating independent record companies from the market. These indies are the ONLY labels that continue to sign interesting, progressive acts, acts that actually sound different than everything else. The CD is being used (unfairly, i suppose) to wipe out the only music on the market with any sort of thought or innovation involved with it. The indies are bucking the tide of greed and keeping creativity alive. The majors hope that they will disappear with the LP.
   
   
9. The "CD revolution" has really stoked the fires of one of the most obscene practices the record companies have ever engaged in: the release of "Greatest Hits collections". These pathetic and disgusting pieces of feces are fed to us under the guise of actually releasing old music. This is another case where the record company is directly deciding WHAT you will listen to and what you WON'T. These nauseating collections eliminate 60 - 90 % of the actual music, while filling the disc with the garbage that the record companies want you to hear; you miss all the best music. Pete Townshend said, "...they've got you, but most of all they've got me, because it's my career that's suffering. Because the other 400 songs i've written don't ever get heard. I can't deal with ... reductive demographic practices, reducing my career down to eight songs..."
   
   
10. In five to ten years a new configuration will be pushing its way in to dominate the market in the same, very pre-meditated way, that Compact Discs are today; billed again as "the format to end all formats". CD's will be virtually pushed out by this FAR SUPERIOR configuration; they will be obsolete long before LP's are. This is not a coincidence or an accident. The record companies knew going in that CD's had a life span of 10 years. That was part of their original purpose. In 40 years teenagers will pick up an LP, laugh heartily and say "They used to LISTEN to these!?!?" But give those same teenagers in 2030 a CD and they will look puzzled and ask, "What was this thing used for?"
    
    
11. Compact Discs aren't just a new configuration -- they're a marketing strategy. Although in a vague sort of way, CD's actually utilize digital storage and retrieval of music, in no way are they a technologically successful format. CD's will be obsolete by the late 90's. That's why they were rushed to the market and that's why they are being pushed so very hard (and are so expensive). The discs, and the boxes, were designed for consumption, not for use as an audio medium. That stupid jewel box was designed to be sexy, temptingly difficult to get into, and to present the product in a most elegant way. Of course anyone who uses them knows that the damn things break immediately (So of course they offer to sell you more!)! Put out the lowest quality product possible. Get as much of the market as you can. Make as much money as possible before jumping ship. This is not music; this is greed and manipulation.
    
    
12. There are an enormous number of deep catalog titles that will never appear on CD; much of this wouldn't sell hundreds of thousands of copies -- so it will never be released. Of course some of that is currently unavailable on LP as well; but the problem is, now the record company executives are not only choosing what NEW music we can listen to - but also what old, already recorded, music we can listen to. Despite the lack of public and media attention, Ultimate Spinach is great, and the list of things that are cut out is astounding.
    
    
13. The technology is quite flawed, but the quality of the product was so very low at first that even the American public, with its unimaginably low standards, demanded that the mega-corporations at least learn how to USE the bloody technology before they agreed to give their life savings to them, for the little plastic frisbees. It wasn't until mid-1988 that the releases were actually mastered for digital. Before that they were putting LP recordings straight onto Compact Disc! Despite minor improvements, the quality is still excruciatingly far below the capabilities of digital. (Also they keep the recordings far below even half the maximum length - so you will have to buy more!)
    
    
14. The wonderful in-store packaging that the conglomerates have blessed us with is not only an incredible pain in the ass - but it is killing the environment. Of course something has to be done to keep people from stealing the damn things, but the ridiculous double sized cardboard boxes, which are only to attract more attention, to get you to BUY ME, are never used after purchase, and are often left in the store or the parking lot (although rarely in the trash). Their only positive quality is that they are better than those fucking plastic blister packs!!!
    
    
15. When the next "new perfect format" comes along, and it won't be DAT, the people who switch to the new configuration will not be LP buyers, they will be the entrenched CD consumers. The record companies know this, so they are punishing those CD buyers now, by gouging them for as much as possible. Mind you, that next, the new "end-all" of configurations will suffer from many of these same problems. Capitalism on the tremendous scale practiced by companies like Sony and Time/Life/Warner is not conducive to artistic pursuits or to developing good technology; it is only suited to making more money - and that is what these companies are good at. (Just watch their commercials on late night TV!) Although it is possible to create a VERY good music storage system with today's technology; it won't happen until one somehow manages to slip in the back door, and there are mega-corporations devoted to preventing that.
    
    
16. Compact Discs are basically just pre-meditated marketing bullshit. They are another wonderful way that unimaginably greedy pricks in NY & LA not only take your money (lots & lots of it) to buy cars and houses and drugs, but a way that they use to manipulate the masses to their own benefit. They will tell you what to listen to, what to like, what to want, what to think and exactly where to throw your money. And you will listen, mindlessly.
    
    
    
17. Read a Frank Zappa essay called "Say Cheese". It can be found inside the fold out cover of "You Are What You Is": on the cover of the LP that is, it's not on the CD.
    
    I wrote this in 1987 and did a final edit in 1988. Although i had no idea of the form it wound up taking, i was envisioning .mp3 files and filesharing15 years early.